Beware! Beware! Be a very wary bear!

So we recently went through a little rough patch. It was due to circumstances beyond our control, that put a lot of stress on the relationship itself - and while I realized it, I had hoped to wait a couple more weeks until the circumstances eased a bit before bringing anything up. It didn't work out that way, of course, and we had quite a time of ... unease.

We talked it out as best we could. There are things that we don't fully understand about each other's mental processes, even after all this time. And no matter how much submissives like to think their Masters know everything about them, the reality is that they understand that we are different, that we have reasons for our feelings and thoughts and behaviors...but they usually don't understand the reasons themselves. And vice versa.

Now, I admit to being a bit more aware, and far more wary, far more....unsure of myself, even when doing the same things that I know have pleased him for years. But when he says that he doesn't see evidence of my submission, only of obedience, and I'm doing the same things I've been doing for years, then I have to wonder what the issue is. Is it truly my attitude? Is it that the words have become stale and rote, no matter how hard I try to prevent that? Is it simply that he is taking the things I do for granted, and not seeing in them what he used to see? Is it that the "extra" things that I do that aren't necessarily required are no longer viewed with the same level or amount of submission they once were?

Or has my attitude truly changed, without my being aware of it?

All of these things are things that I have been focusing on for the last couple of weeks. We still have moments of wondering if all is well I think ... I *know* I do. I wonder if what I type or say or do is viewed in the manner it is meant, especially if I use the same wording on it that I always have. I wonder if he really does understand how hard it is or can be to vary how I type things when I have typed them for years. I wonder if he can *now* feel the emotions behind the words that he apparently couldn't feel a couple of short weeks ago. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder.

And, while I think I am easing up on myself just a bit, I know that I have regressed a bit in my confidence and my belief in my ability to please. I wonder about things I used to think I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt.

And I wonder if he feels the same. I doubt it, since he usually simply looks at what the situation is, and ponders it, sometimes for a good long time, and then changes what he feels needs to be changed. But he has changed since our "upset". So have the circumstances. So I am not totally sure how much of it was a conscious effort on his part, and how much of it was a natural reaction to changed circumstances. It doesn't matter. We are both doing better, and I think we are both still, as Pooh was instructed by his friends to be, very wary.

Padrone, I am glad, I am grateful, that we can talk things through eventually when we are upset with each other. I am grateful that you give so much, as much as I give, to this relationship and to me. I hate when we have misunderstandings, especially when they are due to miscommunications, but it happens in any relationship. I am so grateful that you know this with the instinct you call common sense. I wish I could fully express so many of the thoughts that are running through my mind, Padrone, but I am afraid this post will have to suffice. I love you, Padrone. I am, indeed, totally yours.