mutual respect, a novel idea

i've been thinking about something i wanted to type here for a little while, but i just haven't had the time lately. It's nice to be making or taking the time to do it now. Putting words on "paper" is theraputic for me, imagine that....lol.

i have had some thoughts lately about respect in D/s, and the way it, as so many other aspects of D/s, is completely mutual. Respect is something that is not easily measured, since it is something that is revealed strictly through the actions of a person. But those actions can be judged, and are by more than we ever realize.

There is a prevailing attitude in IRC that Dominants have to earn the respect of submissives. That is so very true. But i am here to propose that exactly the opposite is also true, and almost always overlooked. It is also required of submissives that they earn the respect of Doms. Here is a little discussion about it, one-sided of course, but it's my blog with no comments, so i can be one-sided if i wish!

There is a rule in the channel where we chat at IRC that says that submissives are to say "Sir/Ma'am" to Dominants as a sign of respect. There are so many submissives out there who refuse to use honorofics, and when asked about it, their reason is usually something to the effect of.....well, just because someone has a capped nick doesn't make Him/Her a Dominant! Guess what. Neither does having a lower case nick make one a submissive, worthy of every Dom's respect and to be treated in any way we wish.

Why should we assume that because a person who has a lower cased nick that she deserves anything in terms of respect? Maybe the first question i should ask is how a Dom shows a submissive respect, before talking about whether she deserves it or not.

Well, in an online world, the answers vary of course. But some ways He can show it are by getting to know a submissive before demanding service....by asking limits or making sure that the first scene or two doesn't go to any extreme....by speaking pleasantly and teasing in a good natured way....by not calling her names other than her nickname unless He has been told it's alright....by asking permission to speak with her privately and then not just trying to jump into a scene immediately when there....and most of all by not acting as if she owes Him something simply because His nick is capped, or that He owns her simply because they enjoyed a scene together.

Just because a person's nick is not capped does not mean she deserves that kind of treatment, however. There are as many submissives out there that don't deserve the respect they demand, as there are Doms in kind. They aren't discussed as much for a couple of reasons, i guess. One is that most people on IRC tend to think of submissives as needing protection, where a Dom is supposed to have a thicker skin or something. And it is also widely accepted that a Dom has to earn a submissive's respect, but a submissive doesn't have to earn that of a Dominant. That makes absolutely no sense to me.

Why shouldn't a submissive be expected to act submissively, and show respect through her actions to anyone she meets? Why is it acceptable, and even encouraged by some, that a submissive refuses to follow channel rules, refuses to say Sir/Ma'am, complains, usually loudly, publicly, and quite rudely, about getting unwanted PMs, finds excuses to never serve in channel, and if she can't find an excuse to get out of it, to begrudgingly scene until the first opportunity TO get out of it? Why shouldn't she be encourged to act submissively, and not bratty? Why should the brats and attention sluts be rewarded openly....and when someone tries to "rein them in", all hell breaks loose?

Why should respect only be required to be earned by Dominants, and submissives be given permission to act however they so choose?

i do realize that there is a shortage of submissives vs. Dominants, and that the horny net geeks tend to make it more difficult for Dominants to have a chance to get to know girls. But the pseudo-submissives also tend to make it more difficult for the submissives to get the attention of a Dominant as well.

It all boils down to attitude. There are so many ways, so many opportunities for girls to earn respect through her actions. Here are some of my own thoughts on this topic, and i know there are some who will disagree with me, but based on my own experience, what i believe is this:

There are many ways with which a girl can show respect, some of which are....A girl who is submissive will find out channel rules and follow them....submitting to the will of the channel owner, which is what we do as submissives.....submit. A girl who is submissive will call Dominants by honorifics. A girl who is submissive will be attentive even when the focus of the channel isn't directly on her. A girl who is submissive will, by nature and in her own way, put the needs and wishes of Dominants before her own.

A girl who is submissive will reveal her attitude through her words and actions, not with a lower cased nick. That is the girl who will earn the respect of Dominants.

Here is a thought for everyone, Doms and subs alike.....

Y'all know the old saying "to have a friend, be one"? Well, in so many ways it relates to this topic....to earn respect, show it. True respect is mutual, but who cares if the other person doesn't deserve it? You will earn it by proving that you DO.

Thank You, Padrone, for respecting me even before i realized that You did. Thank You for showing the patience required for me to understand that i am the most valuable piece of property that You own, and that You cherish me and treasure me as such. Thank You for helping me to learn exactly what that means. i love You, Padrone.