Trust revisited

i keep coming back to trust as a topic. It is just so important, and so very fragile....but so strong when it is built....a strong tower, a resting place from worry and upset. i know that sounds a bit "over the top" but if one thinks about it, it makes perfect sense.

i made a statement the other night that will be very surprising for those who know my analytical side. (overly analytical most of the time) i told Padrone that i don't have to understand to trust. i couldn't, and wouldn't, have said those words a few months ago, maybe not even a few weeks ago. i have always thought that understanding bred trust. i was right in that, actually, but there does come a point in time when trust exists on its own, it doesn't have to be fed anymore. Yes, it must be protected, and yes it must be maintained, but.....there comes a point when trust doesn't have to be built anymore. i am not fully there yet, but i am farther along the road to total trust than i ever dreamed i could go.

It is easy to see that trust has to be there from slave to Master. How can i allow Padrone such deep control if i don't trust Him? i can't, plain and simple. i know that He has my best interests in mind with the rules and the use and the consequences for breaking the rules. i know that He does what He believes is best, for me as His slave, which means it is best for Him as well.

But what about from Master to slave? Does there need to be trust of any sort, and if so, what kind and to what degree? i'm not sure i am able to talk much about this, to be honest. Trust is on so many different levels, and in so many areas, and i am not sure i quite understand that a Dom becomes as vulnerable as a submissive in a D/s relationship. That is a detriment to me as a slave, having that kind of "tunnel vision". But i think it is natural, and something that is not easy to change about slave mentality.

i think most.... oh i hate to use this term....but most "true" slaves are highly emotional creatures. Most Doms are too, but i do think that most "true" Doms have reams of self control when it is needed, and i think most understand human nature, and especially the nature of emotional slaves, better than we realize. That does tend to increase the trust from slave to Master, if He exhibits such understanding. At least it does to a degree. So how does one increase the trust from Master to slave?

Well, probably by things i preach but don't always practice.

First, consistent behavior. He needs a safe place to relax and call "home". Trust will help Him have that place, but if i am....inconsistent, "silly", all the time, then how can He have that place with me?

Second, follow through. If i am given a task, or an assignment, or a punishment, then i try very hard to do it if at all possible, within the time frame He has set forth. If i don't do it, then i explain why and let Him judge whether or not my lack of follow through is because of a good enough reason, or if it is punishable. But i have done so many things, and *not* done so few, that He knows and trusts me when i say i have done something.

Third, honesty. Even on irc, where lies are told on a regular basis and seem to be accepted more readily than the truth is, honesty is the ONLY way to build trust. This means everything from having a pic to back up your description, to providing more when asked for more, to revealing the truth of past relationships, both online and rl, and soooo much more.

And last (that i will talk about here and now), truly submit. This isn't just a sexual game. This is life. i am submissive, and that means that things won't always be easy for me. Sometimes i have to learn that over and over again. But life isn't easy as a slave. A good Dom understands it, a bad one exploits it. When i have to put my own needs aside and...trust Him...to meet them in His own way..even if He doesn't consciously do anything, the needs are met purely because of who He is, who i am, and how we are together......that, y'all, is THE most difficult thing for me. But if i don't do it, then He can't trust me *to* do it, and it limits our relationship.

So trust.....that boring, much-talked about and yet still underrated and misunderstood pillar of any relationship...gets another post in this blog.

i am quite sure it won't be the last one. A relationship, even ours...especially ours.....can't grow unless the trust grows. i've just had a mini-epiphany of sorts, and i have a feeling that.....the trust will grow more....soon.

Thank goodness.