being His schiava

What does it mean to be Padrone's slave? Well, to me it means different things on different days...but always it gets deeper and deeper, even when it seems impossible.

Lately He and i both have had the tendency to look at where we have come from, and feel all the appreciation we should feel for the ground we have covered. i'm not going to go into our history, this post anyway, although i feel it is almost time to do so, for some reason. This time, i merely want to answer - or try to answer - one question:

What does it mean to be His slave?

It means i am pleasing to Him in many ways and on many levels. Sexually He finds me pleasing, however most of that is my submission. Emotionally He finds me pleasing...He knows that my adoration and devotion are real, deep, and for Him alone. Mentally He finds me pleasing, most of the time i think. i still have problems believing that a simple country girl like me isn't boring to the extreme, but He seems to not mind most of the time.

It means that the control He has over me is meaningful and real in His life, as well as in mine.

It means that i am loved as deeply as i love.

It means that i am as important to Him as He is to me.

It means that i strive harder and harder to find things that He loves and needs, to please Him even more.

It means that my foot-kissing in channel is as it appears to be, a way to show my obedience and my devotion to this man who has shown me so deeply what being a slave is all about.

It means that my submission is safe, protected, and valued for what it is.

It means that the things He has taught me about submission have translated into other areas of my life, and that i have changed drastically as a result.

It means that i am loved, valued, cherished, honored, respected, trusted, protected.

It means that He is deeply appreciative of the things which i need and experience for His pleasure. The depth of my experiences sometimes amaze Him, but for me, it is merely showing my feelings for Him in the most obvious and intense way i know how.

It means that all the things i do, overcoming the fears, choosing to trust even when i am positive i can't, understanding and learning about myself and about Him...all those things and more .... are struggles that i must do alone, in order to be stronger myself, and to learn the full lessons i can learn from them.

It means He is patient and accepting, even when He doesn't understand what He is patient about.

It means He understands more than i ever dreamed He did.

It means i am constantly learning and growing, and grateful for the opportunity to do so.

It means being who i was born to be, serving who i was born to serve, and loving and being loved more completely than i ever dreamed could happen.

But most of all, it means my sole desire is to be as He wants me to be....which is to simply be myself.

i am blessed. Thank You Padrone, for more than i can ever put words to.