The ultimate responsibility

So, yes, a Master assumes a deep level of responsibility for his slave when he collars her, i guess that's kind of a safe, and universal, assumption to make in regards to the kinds of relationships we embark upon.

But we give it to them, as we give control and authority to them. It's not a sudden, dramatic gesture "i'm the Master, i'm totally responsible for everything that happens to you from this moment on, because i control every move you make, and don't you forget it!!" Well, for some it may be that way, but for those of us who take this seriously and understand that we need a relationship of control and submission in order to be truly happy, then it doesn't work that way.

And while i understand that dynamic as best i can, what has really made me thoughtful over the past few days is the knowledge that we, as slaves, have as much of a responsibility towards our Master as they do towards us. It is merely expressed in a different way, and is far more difficult to see and understand. It's a very subtle dynamic when it works, and incredibly damaging to a relationship when it doesn't. What do i mean?

Well, i mean that we are as responsible for making our Masters happy as they are for keeping us safe and protected.

Think about this. When we, especially women (and especially american women) talk about being in love......or tell a man "i love you"...what we typically mean is "i have finally found someone who makes me amazingly happy and i just KNOW he's gonna make me happy forEVER! Oh man, look what i found! Yes, he is mine and i'm never letting him go!!!!

Oh yeah. i know. Ick.

Anyway, we just seem to forget what we're supposed to do when a man, especially a Master, gives us a piece of himself. What are we supposed to do with it? A lot of times we overlook it, and focus on obedience, on serving, on pleasing, on communication, on all the things that we know he wants from us. We don't want to be responsible for him, that's why we give responsibility for *ourselves* away *to* him! So often we see *that* as our ultimate responsibility to our Master - obedience and thoughtfulness and consideration and making him happy. Yes, we do those things as a way to express our personalities, our love, our joy, our gratitude, our appreciation for what we have, for who we have, for how happy he makes us.

But the reality is that, especially as time passes, our Masters are as vulnerable to "matters of the heart" as we are. Crazy isn't it?

Padrone opens himself up to me. He not only shows me parts of his personality that others don't see....shows me parts of himself nobody else knows about...and enjoys an intimacy with me that neither of us has ever before experienced....but as a necessity of those things, he makes himself vulnerable to me....more and more so as time has passed, of course, as he has learned to trust me to keep his heart as safe as he keeps mine. He not only wants me to open myself to him, as i thought for a long time.....i saw him as...taking what he wished from me, holding it safe and protected, and he does that quite well. But he also gives himself *to* me... filling the hole left by what he takes....with bits of himself...for me to keep safe and protected.

And that is my responsibility. i owe him my strength, my protection, my pride. i am obligated by love, by joy, by happiness, treat his heart as the treasure it is... and what an honor to be loved by such a man. i often focus on how he makes *me* feel...too often i think. i get so focused on my own emotions and the frustration of not feeling that i express them adequately. i adore when he tells me how he feels, and i need it, and i deeply appreciate it...i revel in it, i feel like a princess when he lets me know his emotions, not only because they are good towards me, but because i am deeply honored that he opens up to talk with me like that.

But i finally realize just what an honor that is, and with great honor comes great responsibility. i finally realize just exactly how my words and actions have affected him, and still affect him. And i have finally, over the course of the past few weeks, come to understand that i *do* have a responsibility to him, regarding everything in my life, not just the things i would prefer to be responsible for.

i know this is a vague topic, a vague post, Padrone. But i don't think i can really explain how i feel about this. The issue we had a few weeks ago, the miscommunication and misunderstanding, began to open my eyes about.... not only what i type here and how i type it, but even deeper things....that my words and actions really do affect You more than i ever dreamed, and yes, i am responsible for holding Your heart safe and protected...the bits of You that You have entrusted me with....and that means not only in active obedience and service, but also in less overt ways, like clear communication about emotions, thoughts, preferences, likes, dislikes, needs, inabilities....everything that affects me, also affects us. And that is what You need to know.

i think i finally get it, Padrone, or at least the bit i should have gotten by now. One thing i really value highly about our relationship is that we change and grow, albiet at a wonderfully slow pace most of the time nowadays, but that change and growth means that we will never fully "get it"...there is always something to learn, to experience, to understand about each other and about how we work. i am so deeply grateful to belong to You, my Master, and give all i have to the only one i trust to keep me safe.

i love You. i am Yours.