Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Don't say i didn't warn ya!


i'm baaaa-aaaack. (evil laugh)

And i'm sharing a song. Randomly. Cutesy, and cheesy, and stuff, but it's how i feel about Padrone and our life and our relationship.


,

Padrone asked me yesterday before we left to come home, if i was ready to go back to my real life. My answer was not a simple yes or no (how could it be, it was ME answering, sheesh!). i am ready to begin my future...so i was ready to come back here and get through what i have to experience in order to do just that.

i mean, i was in a log cabin, in the woods, in the mountains (well, maybe the beginnings of the mountains but still gorgeous and hilly for me), right beside a river....daughter was occupied with boyfriend, his family were simply WONDERFUL people, and they even left me alone for a couple of evenings so i could have a "vacation" - who in their right mind, in the same circumstances, would want to come home???

But it was time. It's time for me to do my FASFA, finish the paperwork, get signed up for classes, find out about financial aid, let the boss know what she can expect from my schedule, and stress about my ability to do it all - lol - as usual!

It's time for me to focus on my future, on the career that will enable me to *have* a future. It's time to focus on time management, finding a teaching job, jumping through all the hoops necessary to get there from here. It's time for me to begin to understand that what i have worked towards for so long is going to happen, and to prepare to work, learn, and grow into the best teacher i can be, the teacher i have always longed to be.

Yep, sappy i know. i'm kind of glad i can be "sappy" about my job at my age. It's like i lived the first part of my adult life for my kids and others....and now i can live the second part for Padrone and myself. i kinda like that. (oh yeah, i'm SURE the kids will benefit from it, but i'm not doing this directly for them.)

But 3 summer classes, at one time????

*faints*

In case you're wondering, i've been out of school for around....let's see....105 years or so. This is going to be quite challenging, to put it mildly!

But i'll make it. The goal is too close now, and failure is not an option.

When i look at how far i have come from the timid, frightened, hesitant girl i was when Padrone met me, to the more confident and happy and secure woman i am today, i know that there is nothing i could set my mind to do that i couldn't find a way to accomplish. But the reason i am this way is because of one thing, and one thing only.

i have worked so hard to be pleasing to Padrone, that i have actually become the person He envisioned me to be a long time ago. He has always believed in me, once he got to know me well at least. He has always seen my potential, my abilities, when i have dwelt on my failures and inabilities. He has encouraged me even without saying anything, simply his expectation that i would do well, succeed, and rise above circumstances... and those things were the foundation of anything i have done, or will do in the future.

If i fly, it is because Padrone truly *is* the "wind beneath my wings".

And i love You with all that i am, and all that i will ever be, my Master, my Love, my Padrone.

3 comments:

turiya said...

Sounds like you had a great time... I don't think I'd have wanted to leave either. :-D

*hugs*

turiya

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mouse said...

Welcome back! Good luck with the school stuff.

Hugs,
mouse