One year ago today....and today

One year ago today.....

One year ago today i was a girl. i was nervous, i was deeply attracted and already controlled by one who owned another slave. The attraction was mutual, i knew, becuase of how He treated me in channel, as well as privately. i was so concerned about His slave's feelings. i was so concerned that my feelings for this man would cause problems for Him with the one He owned.

One year ago today i had experienced some amazing scenes, quite intimate and focused, very deep, with this man. i was whore, free to scene with whoever i wished to scene with. And i scened with many....but...as i got closer to this man, i became more and more selective, to the point that there were only two that i scened with, and that i spent any time waiting for. Both owned slaves. i felt "safe" to lower my walls with them, believing that it would lead nowhere, and that i could express deep submission without worrying about losing myself. But i knew i was missing what D/s was all about by doing that. i was simply trying to protect myself from more pain, having come through a painful breakup not too long before this time....

One year ago today, there was a compulsion to draw even closer to Him. One year ago today, He must have felt the same. i knew that i would never do more than drop a hint that belonging to Him would be...desirable to me. But i truly never believed that i could ever belong to someone who owned more than one slave. He had never owned more than one slave at a time, and so i never thought anything would come of our relationship, maybe play and then, when it got too deep, a parting of the ways completely. i knew that i could be friends with Him, but....i also knew that, for me, there would always be more.

One year ago today, i was already His, although both of us skirted around it.

One year ago today, during a PM in IRC, He told me that it was difficult for Him to keep His control strictly in scene, that He wanted to extend it into my rl. i wasn't sure exactly what He meant, but His words blasted the walls, releasing a yearning in me that i could neither deny nor control. So help me, owner of another slave or not, painful for her or not, and no matter the consequences for me or for her or for Him....i needed this man's control in my life, and i finally admitted it then. One year ago today.....

i think He has forgiven me for letting emotions control my actions on that day, because.......one year ago today, i....with heart racing and without truly having thought about what i was doing.... asked Franti to exert His control beyond a scene and into my rl.

One year ago today, i became His slave. i began calling Him Master. i had no collar, but i was His. One year ago today He had me ask, three times in the ancient way, for Him to exert His control beyond IRC. One year ago today, i found my home.

Now my submission is His resting place, His mental haven when He needs it. Now His collar adorns my neck, His pride in His only slave is my cloak. He is the man i was searching for, even when i denied searching. He is my Master.

Today my thoughts are with Him during a difficult time. Today i may not see Him or speak with Him, but today, as always, i will strive to give what He needs from me, even if it is silence.

i love You, Padrone. i am Yours.