Honesty

i've been thinking lately about honesty.

It takes so many forms, and there are so many ways to express it....and how can someone tell if another person is being truly honest? Why does it matter in an online world anyway?

i guess that, for me, being consistent is the key. i mean, of course there is a bit of playacting in IRC, but for the most part, actions, expectations, respect, and consideration of others will be the same there, even if expressed differently, as it would be rl - for an honest person. Honesty isn't merely refraining from telling lies, or even in telling the truth always. Honesty is in behaviors far more than in words.

Honesty is in having consideration for others. Honesty is in realizing that a far greater world exists beyond the end of one's nose. Honesty is in simply being who one is - Dom, sub, Master, slave, switch - and not for the sole purpose of comment by others. Honesty is in truly respecting others, not in a fake show of respect while arrogantly believing that noone can compare with onesself.

Honesty outside an IRC channel is even more easy to exhibit, and even easier to detect the lack thereof as well. Consistent behavior, true to one's nature, is a form of honest expression. For me, that means finding creative ways to show my submission to Padrone. That doesn't always mean in a scene or by serving sexually. For us, the relationship is based on D/s, and while it has grown into a loving relationship, the D/s is still the foundation of the entire relationship. Alright, let me explain that one, if i can. i am not "merely" a submissive. He is not "merely" a Dom. But for each of us those traits are so strong, so deep, such an inherent part of who each of us is, that finding one who has the matching strenth in their personality ..... is what meets the need to control or submit, fully and completely. We love those who meet needs in us, and that is what Padrone and i have been fortunate enough to find in each other - someone who meets our deepest, our most basic, needs.

For me, the submission is deep, the gratitude inexpressible......i struggle all the time to find ways to please Him and show Him my feelings. But if i gave "lip service" to it, and never actually "did" anything, what would i be? Easy answer - i would be a fake, a liar, and one of those for whom this (D/s) is a roleplaying game. i am no power-hungry submissive, for whom having a good man love me is a feather in my cap. i am slave in every sense of the word. i am most fortunate to have found One who is Master in every sense of the word, and for whom silly games in a relationship are as unattractive as they are to me.

Don't get me wrong. Every relationship comes with humans in the picture. Humans are just that, imperfect fleshly beings who make mistakes and have personalities that are totally unique with each individual. And because the vast majority of us are adult who are reading these words, we each come into relationships with histories and walls, and decisions to make about whether to reveal or lower them. There are "games" if you will, that everyone goes through as relationships develop. i am a little ashamed of some of my actions early in our relationship, actually, but it is through consistency on His part, and a sincere desire to please on my part, that we have reached this place. In other words, the change and growth of our relationship is by two mature adults, not folks caught emotionally in a time warp, where manipulation and "games" are part of relationships. Those things reflect shades of teenage love, as they grow and learn about relationships, that have no place in D/s or in any healthy adult relationship at all. One form of honesty is in maturing, whether one wants to or not.

Since i have accepted responsibility for my actions and words and their effects, and have worked hard to change those that aren't acceptable to Him from very early in our relationship, He knows i am honest in my desire to serve Him, to please and obey Him.

Honesty in our actions, our expectations, our needs, and our desires is the only thing that could have gotten us to this point. Thank You, Padrone.