Unanswerable question......maybe

i've been thinking lately of one of those unanswerable questions......like the one about which came first, the chicken or the egg. Maybe it is a case of "who cares?" and "does it really matter anyway?" but i am the kind of person for whom understanding reasons is vital to my own growth and trust.

So....is it use that keeps a D/s relationship strong and commited? Or is it the result of the use?

Let me ask with more words....and no groaning about that, please! What i mean is this: i realize that use is vital in a D/s relationship. Using and being used is the deepest way to express who we are - whether on the D or the s side of the /. Or is it? i've been thinking today of what i need in the use. Why is use so necessary? Why do i need to be turned into nothing more than a vessel for His pleasure? Why is that the most ...... freeing.....powerful.....fulfilling thing i can think of?

Is it really the easy answer of going to "that place"? Is the place of actively expressing control / submission THAT compelling and fulfilling?

i realized that it was AFTER the use.....the intimate.....close.....deeply emotional time.....that reinforces most, who we are and what we have. Like last night, after some VERY hard use.....hearing the words of total ownership, total submission.....*THAT* was the place that i crave. When few words matter, but are spoken anyway.....softly.....intimately.... reiterating our relationship, deepening it, when He takes control of me more and more......deeper and deeper.....

Sweetly broken.......wholly surrendered.....

So i think use is vital......but use is an expression of something far deeper, a way to express things in ways that truly can't be expressed in any other way. It is also a vessel, a means of transportation into a deeper "realm" if you will. Padrone always says that a slave needs to be used often, and i often wondered just what He meant by that. But after talking with Him often, and thinking on my own, making some observations and drawing some conclusions, i think i know what He meant......finally!

i love You, my Master, my Padrone, my Love. One day, i hope to deserve You. Until then, i will work hard to give You all *You* deserve.