a slave's freedom

There is a line of a song that i love that says "i could lose my hard earned freedom if my fears define my world".

Well, that line made me think. Y'all know by now that my fears control me sometimes, they define my world at times. But when i don't allow them to define my world, what do i have? i have slavery. Slavery....freedom... so is the song wrong, just a feminist misconception, indoctination? Or am i wrong for thinking that what i have with controlled fears is slavery?

The more i thought about it, the more i thought about Padrone's words when we first talked about a blog...that i, of course, don't have total freedom because i am not free, but that i could express things there that i might otherwise never say, as long as i was careful how i worded things. So which is it? Freedom or slavery? Or that old cliche, freedom *in* slavery?

Freedom to make choices, regarding my own actions and/or words, regarding every aspect of my life, is a freedom that i don't want to have. i do recognize that it is, indeed, a form of freedom. But by being His schiava, He allows me the freedom to simply be. i still make choices, even as basic as whether to follow instructions or not (well, not anymore, but theoretically....work with me here....lol) i choose whether or not to do the things i know He wants me to do, assigned tasks or just things that i know would please Him. But in reality,t here is freedom from choice even, because of who i am.

He allows me to be the person i am, with no reservations and no hiding. He thrives on the depth of my submission and gratitude, and the need i have to express them. i have never been with anyone for whom that kind of thing didn't become too draining, for whom i didn't become "too" needy. i have never had the freedom to stop thinking about how *much* i expressed, and merely think about how *to* express. He wants my total submission, as much as i need to give it, and give and give and give. It is only when i lose the fears that i can fully be free to submit without worrying about.....how, what, when, how much.....offending......pushing away.....

He wants what i offer, and more. That is true freedom, for me.