I Don't Write Erotica

Well, every now and then I will write something by request, or extremely rarely I will write something because I want to.

But I just don't write it.

It isn't because I don't feel it or because I don't know what to type about. I don't type about it because of the vulnerability factor, I think...not only because what I type comes from my own fantasies, or putting my "spin" on his fantasies, but also because I don't know how or if I have accomplished the goal of at least mentally arousing the person who reads it.

So I just don't often write.

I can. And I can write well, actually. I know it, but every time someone else reads my words, I feel as nervous as I was the first time it happened.

And so what do I do with all those thoughts, emotions, fantasies, experiences that were living in my mind and were clamoring for expression?

Well, let's just put it this way: I can type a very erotic, stimulating, scene with Padrone.

What we do, now and then, is that I will type a scene based on whatever Padrone wants/needs at the time. For instance, he may want my pain and then to cum in my ass after it had been beaten. He may want a simple blow job. He may want an intimate, emotional experience. Or he may want a whore with plain old sex. I will type it, oftentimes adding to it using my imagination to add the perfect mix of ingredients to entice Padrone to a forceful, satisfying orgasm. I do the typing so he *can* cum, because as we all know, a man can't cum while typing. He's busy enjoying, which is the entire purpose anyway.

I usually do a pretty darn good job, if i do say so myself. It is as if I can sense his need, and it feeds my imagination.

It's hard at times, because I have to type both sides, Dom and submissive. That can be difficult, since I honestly don't really understand the Dominant mindset. I think that, when I get into the focused intensity that I get into when typing these scenes, I merely type what *I* need as a submissive. It's good that he has commented that I capture his feelings, now and then, because that means that our needs mesh on some pretty basic levels. That's always a good thing.

And it's also hard at times because there are times when my own needs kind of feel forgotten. Not that my sexual needs are that strong lately, but the submissive needs, the needs for control and use...those can really impede my ability to take on the dual role necessary in this type of scene.

It's incredibly intense, amazingly focused, and pure, raw emotion.

It drains me.

And so, I don't write erotica. But I do write erotically, when Padrone wants and needs me to. Except tonight. But that's between the two of us, and it's alright.

Padrone, I hope I didn't type too much, too personally, in this blog post. But it hit me the other day that I type in a very sexual way, but I couldn't define it as erotica. I know it makes no difference whatsoever, so what this does is help me to get the thoughts that rattle around in my brain, out of my brain. :)

I am so glad, Padrone, that what we have is so fulfilling in every way. I love serving you, you know that. I love when we scene online. I love when you use me. I love when you make my life "interesting". I love when we talk, when we are able to experience things together and hear the pleasure. I love you, Padrone. I am so yours.