Punishment

Well, i'm back, somewhat.

i'm still being punished, as is obvious to others mostly by the nick i wear in channel. No, there will be no "clues" given here as to why i am being punished. So if that is why you are reading today, you might as well save some time and close the window. :)

i'm a bit ... bitter, i guess is the most accurate word....as to how others have reacted to my public punishment. Submissives should know that a public punishment is a very serious one, and i guess i thought others would be empathetic rather than judgemental of me, or my Master, and think only of themselves and how *my* being punished affected *them*. So i couldn't talk for a while. Big deal. i deserved a severe punishment. It really wasn't about you, even though i understand that some think everything around them is about them.

And the Doms. Oh my god, i have never SEEN such! The punishment was set into place by my Master, for me. The details were never made public, and all y'all knew was that i had to go into channel with that nick and greet folks, and that i was totally restricted from serving anyone other than Padrone. But what gave *y'all* the right to judge, to pry, to humiliate, or to enforce YOUR will on me simply because i am being punished? i belong to One, not to all, no matter WHICH nick i wear.

And the way folks would treat me..and then be totally different when Padrone was in channel. Why? Because y'all knew that HE wouldn't put up with it, even if i was in a position that i could say nothing to anyone about it. i call that cowardice and bullying, even on the part of the submissives who did that kind of thing. And the pleasure others took in my punishment...especially slaves,although some Doms seemed quite happy with it as well...i don't understand it, but that is because (as Padrone has told me often) i am simply not that way. It would never even DAWN on me to belittle someone, to judge her or her Master, based on the fact that *i* don't like what is happening, when i have not been told any details whatsoever!

But then again, i really do understand that there are some folks who can only feel good about themselves when they make others feel bad, or at least "look" bad. i just didn't expect how many showed that tendency in one channel in irc.

So, i guess the point of this post is to vent a little, and to let y'all know that i won't always wear that nick. And yet because of the actions of many folks in that channel, judging someone you don't know, ridiculing and demeaning, trying to undermine her feelings for her Master...the titty{F} that returns will be a bit different than the one that left.

As i said to Padrone this morning....the vulnerable place i was put into was not in my control. The actions of others are not in my control. But my own actions are. And believe me, it has taken every ounce of control to be gracious and polite when in that channel, more often than it should.

And btw...to those of You who might see my changed nick, my punishment, as a time of weakness in our relationship, and choose to flirt with my Padrone...go ahead. *smile* You will get as far as you deserve to get.

One of the things that happens to us, usually, after i do something to deserve punishment is that we come through that time far stronger than we went into it. That is sometimes hard to believe because we have a very strong relationship already. But the bonds that bind us together are doing nothing but strengthening, even though i made quite a serious mistake. Padrone understands the concept of punishment far better than i do, and usually the most lingering problem is me forgiving myself for doing something to deserve it.

Now we are closer than we have ever been, even though i am still being punished. It took some time go get here, yes. But the fact remains that what we have is far stronger than even i realized, and i have no doubt that others have no idea because they *are* on the outside looking in.

There are no words, Padrone, to say what we feel. We said a lot last night. Your words are held close to my heart....and i can't express the loving devotion that Your words evoked in me. You alone have access, have vision, into places nobody else ever will. Yes, this fiore opens solely for You.

sono il fiore del Padrone.