Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Love is not easily angered.

i honestly have to say that i would not have worded this characteristic in this way, if i were looking at someone who i know shows true love and were to try to describe how i know it is real. However, it is actually probably the most concise way to describe it. What i would have said is "love is tolerant", or "love overlooks a lot of things", or words to that effect. But basically, what i would try to convey is that "love is not easily angered".

i can remember Padrone being angry with me only twice in our relationship. Once i'm not sure was real anger, more just upset maybe. Once i got upset about something, and this was before i learned to control my words and actions....and while i did something disturbing, and He was upset, probably angry, i now believe that He was as much upset about other circumstances as He was about my behavior. Of course, i did act inappropriately and was properly punished for doing so. But i never knew if He was truly upset with me or not, not like the other time i saw Him upset, which was only a few months ago. i typed about it in my blog. It ended up being a problem in communication caused by technology, but neither of us knew it at the time. He thought i was overreacting to ..... well, to nothing, honestly. i thought He was acting in a highly callous manner. And it was merely computer issues that created such problems. But He was so upset with me....angry at my "silliness" over nothing... when He had spent a lot of time on something special for me, something that i never got until later......it was just a terrible time.

But in all the time we have been together, for these to have been the only times He has ever been angry with me, says all that needs to be said regarding this. i've been hurt, i've been angry, i've overreacted, but i have also learned. i call it "choosing my battles" when it comes to general people, even my kids. But with Padrone, i simply have nothing to get upset or angry about anymore. i have learned to see and accept and contentment is overflowing into every area of my life, simply because i am His.

After this morning on the phone, mere words are useless in trying to communicate.

Padrone, i am constantly amazed by You. i do belong, finally, and i am free to love and to release my heart into the safekeeping of another. i have found my place in this world. It is as Your slave.

There are no words, Padrone. i am simply Yours.

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