You know, i honestly have to say that this is probably the most defining difference between traditional (or what is commonly called 'vanilla') relationships, and D/s relationships. In vanilla relationships, i remember beginning that way....that i wanted my partner's pleasure first. But as time passed and my own needs weren't met in the relationship, then the balance changed. It always became about me and my needs, much as it began with my partner.
However, in every D/s relationship i have ever been in, the balance has been shifted. My efforts to please have been valued rather than disregarded as not enough, or not worthwhile, or not what he wanted. What he wants is usually, eventually, spelled out in no uncertain terms. It's easier to please and in return, being pleasing has met the deepest needs i have ever felt.
It really is difficult for me to understand the flip side, though. i mean yes...most men i know (not all i understand, that's why there are vanillas and malesubs)......but most men i know enjoy a woman serving them, pleasing them sexually and emotionally and with other physical and mental needs. Most men i know would love to sit back and relax, and command and demand obedience, with free reign to punish me as a child for disobeying. However, those men ARE self-seeking. i can't honestly say that i understand what Padrone's pleasure is, except that i understand fully that it is, somehow, the opposite of my own.
But one of Padrone's basic philosophies is.....a happy slave serves better. Now, maybe that *is* His entire motivation, to cause me to serve Him better. Maybe He is self-seeking, and the reason i don't believe it fully is because He has met needs in me that i never knew i had. Maybe it is, was, and always will be about Him and nothing more. All i know is that our relationship has changed, and i will venture to say dramatically, since the day i became His. i know He always used to say that is it all about Him. i know that His actions followed that philosophy. i know that if they do now, then His means of obtaining what He wants has changed.
Here are just a few examples of what i mean.....
Used to, Padrone would simply set things up in a way that was convenient for Him. Used to, Padrone would come online, expecting for me to be there waiting for Him (something i still love to be, and try hard to do so, but He doesn't expect it anymore, and is more than willing to let me know when He's there so i can meet Him, if i'm not there waiting). Used to, Padrone would punish first and get explanation later. Used to, many of our conversations would be about availibity for use...lol. Used to, there were many things that happened that let me know (in hindsight) that He was testing me, or at the very least, didn't know and of course didn't trust, the depth and sincerity of my submission.
Now, He asks about me, my family, my life....and He really cares and is interested in this boring girl's life. Now, we work together to make our time together as good as possible. Now, we've worked our schedules out so that our meetings are convenient for both of us. Now, i typically ask for punishment and give an explanation as soon as i realize i have done something to deserve it. The good thing about that is that He doesn't punish if i do something wrong, but there is no rule regarding it (yet). Now He knows i am available whenever He wishes to use me, unless something rl (which He has the utmost respect for) prevents it. Now, He knows that i will do everything in my power to make Him happy, and i honestly believe that He feels the same about me. Sometimes we get lax, of course. We're both human and fail. But the desire is there anyway, and is ongoing even when we fail.
As our relationship has grown and deepened, we have learned to trust that each other's love is, indeed, *not* self-seeking. He wants what is best for me, for whatever reason He gives (usually it is that He is taking care of His most valuable property). i want what is best for Him, because when He is happy, i know that it is partly because of me, and also because ..... well, never mind that, just suffice it to say that a happy Padrone is a VERY pleasant person to be around.
He knows that i will even go so far as to exit His life, if that should be necessary for His happiness. And i can't type more about that. Y'all understand i'm sure.
Padrone, until i began typing all this regarding the characteristics of love, i never fully realized just how You do show Your love to me. i saw some, but not nearly all. And i know that i can't even see all now. But i thank You for the way You love me, and what i am typing now is merely confirmation of the fact that how we feel about one another is indeed, "real" love (according to the source i have chosen to use to define it anyway). i will continue to see things that i never saw, even when this is finished. i will continue to strive to love You in the same manner, to the same degree, to be even more pleasing and fulfilling to You.
i am blessed to be Yours, Padrone.
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