Reassurance

Today, while i was in that state between sleep and wakefulness, a thought struck me, and i am not sure why.

It dawned on me that i don't need the reassurance of Padrone's commitment to me, and only to me, as much as i used to.

Now, don't get me wrong. i don't take that lightly in the least. It has just reached the point that there is confidence now, and i can concentrate more on making Him happy, trusting Him for my own happiness, something i now know it is safe to do. Yes, i know it seems to have taken quite a while for me to have reached this point, but to be honest, i've been here for a while now. The change has been so gradual, however, that i didn't even notice it until this morning.

So what was so different about this morning? Not much, except i was thinking about how much Padrone cares for me, and cares about me, and how He shows it. Sometimes i still have to wrap my mind around that......that He makes the best choices for me, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time...but that's a story for another post, maybe.

Last night, He showed His care for me in a couple of ways, and i woke up so grateful to Him for it. Gratitude is a very motivating thing, in so many ways, although my love for Him is not completely based on gratitude. But it does make me remember where i've come from, and how far i have come with Him as my Master. THAT is what i want to talk about....

When we met, i had walls around me that i thought were impenetrable, because i wouldn't allow them to be penetrated. i had the attitude that i was for physical pleasure and nothing more, and nobody could MAKE me be about more than that, because i didn't WANT to be more. When i think of that, of who i was then, and i see now....

Not only is there far more than physical pleasure between the two of us....but there is also the knowledge that it really is a lasting, deeply commited relationship. That is amazing to me, how far we have come, how sincere the knowledge, how commited we are. And all the things i used to ask for reassurance about, or feel the need for reassurance even if i didn't ask....suddenly aren't important, and i can't see why they ever were. Well, i can see why, then, but now....

Now, the simple truth is that i know things that He would never tell me, simply by His actions. Now i know why He wouldn't tell me, why He wouldn't get on that merry-go-round of emotions. Words are sometimes a trap, sometimes a cover, sometimes the focus of things when actions really *do* speak more loudly. i am so grateful that Padrone taught me that, no matter how frustrating it had to have been for Him.

i am the luckiest slave i know. Thank You, my Owner.