Love keeps no record of wrongs.

How many times have we pondered over things long past, reviewed them mentally, their hurts, their joys, the actions and emotions evoked by them?

How many times have we mentally righted wrongs done to us, and those we have done as well? How many times have we replayed and allowed our actions to be influenced by our thoughts and memories?

It's a strong stereotype that women remember every thing a man ever did or said to them, and that he will never hear the end of it. There is an element of truth in that, just as there is in the fact that many men will do the same kind of thing, only it is "hurt me and you'll pay....and pay...and pay".

According to this list of characteristics of love, that is NOT loving at all. It is so hard to not remember, to not dwell on the hurts of the past, whether caused by me or done to me. It is so hard to let go and accept that what is, just is, and that what happened in the past, while it has shaped and formed me to a huge degree, shouldn't have the control over me that it does at times. i should be able to keep no record of wrongs. And to be honest, since i have found the safety and security i craved for so long, i don't as much anymore. It is easier to let things go. It's easier to dwell on what is happening in the present rather than on past hurts and things.

And Padrone....well, i know that for so many Masters, once a punishment is given, the matter is over, and that it is far more difficult for a submissive to feel the same way about it, but i am so grateful that Padrone is consistenly that way. But with Him also, not everything i do that bothers Him is a punishable offense. He is wonderful about not bringing those things up constantly either.

It used to confuse me, His attitude about how to treat people in general, and me specifically. i never knew what to make of it, or how to take it when He wouldn't say "i love you" to me. i never really understood that what He wanted, and what i had to learn to do, was to look beyond the words into the actions, to truly see the heart.

i keep saying, over and over, how much i am learning simply through really thinking about these things i have read since i was a small child. And i don't have to look far to see how Padrone's actions line up with what i am reading. It is true that He and i can both learn more about how to show our love to each other, and to others, because neither of us is perfect by any means. But i honestly think that, from what i have done so far, we are both on the right track, even if He is far ahead of me!

Padrone, there is little i can add to what i have said already. You are an inspiration to me to love better, to show my devotion more deeply, and to be a better woman and slave in all ways.

i strive that my actions reflect the love that i feel for You, always.