Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Love never fails.

Love never fails.

Think about that.

REALLY think about it.

The Bible continues after saying that to list some things that do fail, things that we know will happen. Prophecies (predictions.....and those we know will happen, usually of bad things.), tongues (words...even *i* have been rendered speechless before, usually during times of deep emotion and i am simply amazed by all that we have), even knowledge (usually fleeting, although nobody ever wants to admit it.)....these things will come to an end.

But love....the kind of love that is discussed here....never fails.

i want to tell y'all a story.

When i first came to irc, i was recovering from a heartbreaking breakup with my previous Master. i had loved him, and felt that he loved me. What we had was limited due to circumstances, yes he was married....but it was still fulfilling and intense at times and i needed a lot of what he had to offer. It seemed perfect for me....when i didn't dwell on the times when we were totally cut off because he was with his family, etc. Those times increased in frequency and duration to the point that i asked for release. i knew that he didn't need me as his submissive anymore, and i finally recognized that i needed more than what he could or would offer me.

So when i came to irc, it was strictly to play and scene. i had no intention at all of any relationship. i was vocal and adamant about not wanting a collar, and i repeatedly said that i don't believe in love anymore, that love doesn't last and it doesn't have a place in a D/s relationship. My attitude was...use me, fuck me, and move on. And it worked for a while. i kept folks at arm's length, came here, allowed myself to feel good about myself because i was a popular whore, and then was able to take my locked-away emotions easily out of IRC when i turned the computer off. It was just what i wanted.

Then, along came a man who showed me, over time and in ways far more meaningful than mere words, what love really is. And He shows me every day, over and over.

To go on with the story would be boring, and would repeat much of what is common knowledge, and which i have said in this thread already, so i won't bore y'all with it. i will just move on....

i didn't want the kind of love that Padrone and i have. i didn't think it was even possible. i didn't trust anyone......i mean, if that Master who had seen me through some really rough times with love and care could stop needing me and loving me, then why would i ever believe that someone else would even care about me at all? Love, in my opinion, was fickle and fleeting.

But .... what i felt for that man is .... i can't even remember what i thought was so strong, now....it isn't even a shadow of what is between Padrone and me.

Padrone's kind, thoughtful control of His slave....His patience in waiting to see what kind of person i really am, letting me prove my worth or lack thereof....His consistency....His dependability.....His constant presence in my life, through various means.....His care, His concern, His determination to care for His slave the best way He can....even when it means that He sacrifices time with me or control through rules or something like that......all of those things, and so much more, show me just how wrong i was to choose not to believe in love.

What i should have believed in, and finally do, was real love.

Padrone's love has created ways for me to change that i never would have believed. It hasn't failed, even when we do fail.

Love never fails.

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